


Tactical Analysis

by strawberriesandtophats



Series: Wuffles The Terrier's Matchmaking Service [5]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Denial, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 05:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10430340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberriesandtophats/pseuds/strawberriesandtophats
Summary: You're not subtle when even the dog thinks you are in love.





	1. Chapter 1

The fact of the matter is that just the idea of trying to romance the Patrician is illogical. He’s a tyrant, even if he’s Vimes own tyrant, and an Assassin to boot. Shared life experiences and time spent in each others company are all well and good, but they are no ground to build on for a relationship with the man. Vetinari may leave his dog at Vimes's office for safekeeping these days, and Wuffles may be the only living thing he'll ever admit loving, but that does not mean anything at all. Of course he leaves his beloved pet with the Commander of the Watch. It's only logical to do that. It doesn't matter that the dog believes that they are in love. It doesn't matter at all.

Anything that could be considered to be flirtation, like the endless awards and titles and gifts and those bloody smiles and looks are just mind games and meaningless in the long run. No matter that the man walks beside him whenever given the chance and summons him to the Oblong Office every day. That’s just normal, fitting their roles as the Patrician and the Commander of the Watch. They all have their roles to play.

Lord Vetinari will never try anything, even if he too had those decidedly romantic feelings towards Vimes. It is better to stay the way they are now, as colleagues and men of the city. It is safer for the city not to have too much power in one bed or house or room. They are safer apart, in all eventualities. And the city matters more than the two of them and their feelings. They might brush against each other in hallways and offices and carriages. But nothing will come of it. They can stay together by staying apart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard knows what's up.

“The city needs Commander Vimes,” Lord Vetinari said, listening to the whirring of Leonard de Quirm’s newest and fastest coffee machine. “As he is, working at optimal levels and as happy as he can be. A prolonged absence would cause chaos, even if he has very well trained officers.”

“Indeed,” Leonard said, looking up from his doodles. “I have observed from your frequent descriptions of the man that he is extremely capable as a police officer.”

Lord Vetinari sipped his coffee, pleased at how strong it was. It had been an harrowing day.

“You need him as well,” Leonard remarked, sketching a flower in the corner of some sort of airship. “You work as a unit, a pair, more than anything else, these days. The city depends on your collaboration.”

“Wuffles believes that he’s my beloved gentleman friend, according to your Canine-to-Morporkian translator,” Lord Vetinari said carefully after a short silence. He had meant to sound humorous, but the words had fallen flat. 

“Isn’t that true?” Leonard asked, once again looking up from his doodles. “He’s the closest thing to a spouse you’ll ever have, if you don’t mind me saying so, my lord. So naturally, Wuffles assumes that you two must be in love.”

“Pursuing a relationship with Commander Vimes would be far too dangerous,” Lord Vetinari said. “If it were to fail, the damage such a falling out would cause would be horrific for our city.”

“So you plan on cherishing your fond memories of the man?” Leonard asked, adding petals to the flower. “Even as you make them?”

“It is the most sensible option,” Lord Vetinari said. “At least for now. Perhaps one day that may change. One never knows what the future holds.”


End file.
